First-timers, if you’ve vying for a glass of that amber coloured liquid, from personal experience, do not go all dreamy-eyed asking the bartender for “some sunshine held together by water, please.” Even Quick Gun Murugan was clear about what he wanted with “One whiskey, one masala dosa.” The point of this introductory diatribe is, be clear, be concise, and do not be afraid to ask the barkeep for help. So, don’t worry because most of us worshippers of the holy brew will tell you that the glass can be half empty or half full, as long as there’s whiskey in it.

Firstly.

We’re damn proud you chose whiskey. We now respect the cojones you got. As Jim puts it, "the men rode into a saloon" is never followed by "and ordered a merlot." We’re also relieved you chose to read this. It means you’d rather do a little reading up than get stuck with a gaping fish-mouth wondering what went wrong when you ordered a double, neat.

Thusly.

George Clooney’s character in Ocean’s 11 orders “a whiskey and a whiskey” with 2 hand gestures of ‘a small’ and ‘a large’. Making it easy for the bartender to recognize and serve the order. Whiskey can be a bit intimidating to a first-timer, but don’t be afraid to ask the bartender for his recommendations. Old whiskey lovers will simply tell you the simplest way to order a whiskey is how you’d like to drink it. Want to sample it just for the taste? Order a neat. This means just the whiskey in the glass without ice, water or mixers to dilute the taste. A double on the rocks will get you ice with your whiskey. We always endorse the patiala peg if you’re looking for a nice long evening to nurse that holy brew. You could go in for a cocktail, but then wartime soldiers getting their leg sawed off weren't given a vodka cranberry. And, as a parting-shot for all those prissy, cocktail swirling, sangria slurping non-believers, Don Draper certainly didn't brainstorm with a mojito in his hand.